So,,, here I am, a week after going back to teaching, AND, after having taken 3 lessons myself, to start to rebuild my own strength and stamina. I'm hurting a bit, but it's all been worth it. I will say that my teaching has gone well. It's been energizing to reconnect with some of my clients, guiding them to their hidden strengths, and in so doing, helping me to reconnect with mine . The social aspect of just being with "my people" has been so important to my own healing. I'm finding out more, as time goes on, that this is certainly not just a physical healing, but an emotional one, as well. The clients I teach, each and every one of them, give me their own personal version of strength and healing. They don't know it, but when the hour is over, I've thought, I should be paying them!! (jeez, did I say that out loud?)
Why is it that surgeons don't tell you some of the most basic things that you might experience after surgery? They usually stick to just the physical, and even then, not in detail. My emotions have been raw!! Having surgery on my spine was VERY emotional for me! The cyst invaded an area of my body that I had worked hard to keep flexible and strong, and the surgeon's knife dissected and opened the foundation of my being, and that's an emotional experience! The fact that I"m not where I want to be physically, has called up other parts of myself that weren't required before, when I was physically stronger. My sense of who I really am, and what I'm good for, has been challenged, and I had to call into action the part of my spirit and self that was sorta, just going along for the ride, because all was well with my body. NOW, my body is calling into action the part of me that , although is strong, and well exercised in "climbing that mountain"... now needs to sustain me for a longer period of time, causing me to question what defines me as a person. I'm finding I'm more than a strong physical body. I'm finding my strength more in my mind, my spirit and my faith, than relying totally , on a body that performs to my liking.
Joseph Pilate's quote "Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness" has caused me to ask myself if that can truly be so, for this stage in my recovery. It certainly propels me forward to my goal of a supple spine and the joy of an invigorating workout without pain, but, it also challenges me to use my mind to Decide to be Happy NOW,,,,,even though I may not be at my optimal level of fitness. I truly am finding joy in the process. Today holds as much joy with a healing body, as it does with a completely healthy and functioning one. I truly am grateful for the skilled hands of my surgeon, and for a body that knows how to take over where the surgeon left off. It's quite amazing to witness, and I'm learning sooo much from it all.
Each pilates session I've had this past week, has set me back a bit, physically As basic and elementary as my lessons are with June, and they only last a half hour, I experience aching and pain the following day. On one hand, it thrills me that I'm making that physical connection and I know I'm slowly regaining my strength. On the other hand, pain can be scary, and it zaps my energy and dampens my enthusiasm and optimistic outlook. But, the fact that each time I have a lesson, I move just a little more, I stretch just a little further, and I accomplish just one more thing, and.....,,,it's all worth it!
I haven't even touched on some of the other major events that are going on in my life, on top of recovering from my surgery. They have all impacted my physical and emotional status and are worth chatting about, but I will wait for next time for that. In the mean time, as Romana always says "love all around".....